City poem: Yatish
देखो तुमको कितना चाहने लगा हूँ मैं
दिल्ली की सर्दी में रोज़ नहाने लगा हूँ मैं
आँखों से आँसू यक-ब-यक निकल आते हैं
मोमो में चटनी तीखी डलवाने लगा हूँ मैं
नज़रे ज़माने की मुझपर टिकी रहती है
मेट्रो परिसर में संगीत बजाने लगा हूँ मैं
रेख्ते के तुम ही उस्ताद नहीं हो 'ग़ालिब'
सामने तेरे कूचे के ग़ज़लें सुनाने लगा हूँ मैं
कितनी शीरीं है ज़ुबाँ दिल्लीवालों की
सरे राह लोगों से ज़ुबाँ लड़ाने लगा हूँ मैं
मंज़र कबूतरबाजी के अब ग़ुम हैं 'ज़फर'
उजड़े दयार पे तिरे फूल चढ़ाने लगा हूँ मैं
आब-ओ-हवा इस शहर की ज़हर-ज़हर है
तरीके ख़ुदकुशी के नए आज़माने लगा हूँ मैं
ओझल हैं शहर के आसमां से रातों के सितारे
छिपकर नीचे छत के टिमटिमाने लगा हूँ मैं
घर लौटते हर मोड़ पर बेघर नज़र आते हैं
बेबसी में उनसें अपनी नज़रे चुराने लगा हूँ मैं
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यक-ब-यक: suddenly/ one after another
रेख्ते: Rekhta refers to the Hindustani language, the tradition in which poets like Mir, Ghalib, Momin wrote their poetry
रेख्ते के तुम ही उस्ताद नहीं हो 'ग़ालिब'
कहते हैं किसी ज़माने में कोई 'मीर' भी था : A famous couplet of Ghalib, where he concedes that, he is not the only master of the language(Rekhta), in a different era there was someone named Mir too
कूचे: Lane/ gully
शीरीं: Sweet
कबूतरबाजी: A popular sport of Delhi, where people flew pigeons from their roofs and competed in catching each other's pigeons.
ज़फर: The last Mughal emperor, who was also a poet, exiled to Rangoon after 1857
उजड़े दयार: Bahadur Shah Zafar laments the loss of his home during his exile and writes
लगता नहीं है दिल मेरा उजड़े दयार में , his hearts finds no solace in the dilapidated city.
आब-ओ-हवा: Aab is water, Aab-o hawa is generally used for environment.
ओझल: Elusive
Nicely written. Words like "tire", "kabutar baji" etc. Shows the relevance of the ghazal. The poem both ways connect as a city poem as well as a ghazal. It was a bit complicated in understanding and connecting the verses but was a good one.
ReplyDeleteHi Yatish!
ReplyDeleteIt was a delight to revisit your poem after the discussion in class. I think it's a fantastic piece, one I will most definitely come back to again and again.
A truly beautiful poem. I admire that you have chosen to use snippets of everyday life- momos, polluted air, homelessness, metro- to subtly but effectively situate the poem in Delhi in our minds, and haven't had to make overt references to those big markers such as Forts etc. This is the Delhi we experience most of the times which is quite unlike the scenes from a tourist brochure. It's more realistic and less contrived this way. Ostensibly casual mentions of famous poets, old languages, slightly dated use of language here ("tire" etc) are a nod to the rich cultural and literary history of the city, yet the poem is firmly grounded in the present. There's depth, not inspite of but alongside, light-heartedness. The last two couplets are my favourite. Delhi in your poem is not romanticised but still beautiful!
ReplyDeleteFunny yet poignant at the same time. Your poem really reflects a reality of the city that we live in.
ReplyDeleteHello Yatish!
ReplyDeleteYou've received wonderful and engaging reception on this Ghazal of yours, I also appreciated your work in class as well when we discussed it in class. Now, let me talk about some finer points your Ghazal needs improvement--
First of all, you've deployed a variety othings in your Ghazal, ranging from mood, subjects etc. However, you could do this because you've taken a lot of liberty as far as the meter is concerned. It would have become constrainingly difficult for you to work with one meter a then be able to work your shers out. Please engage with a variety of Ghazals, see how meter works, and learn to use it.
Secondly, remember about the multi-layered meanings we discussed with regard to Soumya's Ghazal, this has been achieved also by both Rohini and Kanika (Kanika has done it in a different way, but certainly she has brought it). In your case, one reads a line, then the second line, and that's it. The only excitement is at the level of what you've said and how you've said (that too cause you experimented). Read the following Matla by Dr. Rahat Indauri, don't remember exactly--
सरहदों पर बहुत दबाव है क्या
कुछ पता तो करो चुनाव है क्या
Now these knd of sher certainly make you popular and accetable aong the masses, and Rahat Indauri is famous for all tse shers of his. Infact, he only recite these shers in Mushairas, and says: "मैं शाइरी के नाम पर चूरण बेचता हूं, और लोग ये समझते हैं कि यही शाइरी है". On the other hand, I've heard and read Rahat's "shers" (please refer to m comment on Devyani's Ghazal). Friend, the way you've written your Ghazal, I reckon you're exposed to Ghazals. People will certainly enjoy these couplets, but जो शाइरी से अस्ल में वाक़िफ़ हैं, वो इसे पसंद नहीं करेंगे। This is nothing but Mushaira stunts. On the other hand however, tre's a way how you could respond to things keeping in mind all that's needed. No one is asking you to use highly Persianized language, y can be simple, modern, and effective, bh for the common as well as aware audiences/readership. I'll recommend Tehzeeb Hafi to you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x24ChG44D6s&t=43s
Cheers!
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