Ghazal - Prabahan Shakya
The spring made way for the Saturnalia of the summer,
Yet the carnival bard lay shut his door since you sighed.
The king commanded music in every humble alley,
Yet birdsongs do not sing any more since you sighed.
A thousand tales on the mother's love I had heard,
But the darling daughter lay on the floor since you sighed.
Even the village elder bowed as the priest chanted his ardent verses,
Yet the conscience of the pious man lay impure since you sighed.
The clouds foretold one of the finest showers in decades,
But even the hearty frogs couldn't be sure since you sighed
It had taken Imon three fruitless winters to know,
Maybe he'd forgotten how to adore since you sighed.
HI Prabahan!
ReplyDeleteYour ghazal reads like a breath of fresh air. The second couplet is quite beautiful, you can almost feel the air around you devoid of music as you finish reading the couplet.
The form of the ghazal, however, seems to be amiss in your ghazal, I'd suggest you look into it.
Hope this helps!
Hello Prabahan!
ReplyDeleteDon't know how I missed this one, anyways--
Yes, I agrree with Kanika..
There're absolutely scintillating thoughts fabricated in the Ghazal-- in a way this is a 'मुसल्सल' 'continuous' Ghazal, yet each sher stands on its own. 'Continuous' in the sense that the core idea is that things looked ready but they didn't happen. क्या बात है!
Secondly, I see how masterfully you've played with the content in the Ghazal, for instance 'Saturnalia' as an expression (the act of foreignization), and cloud/frog imagery (domesticization, not for for though))
Work this out as suggested by Kanika, this'll surely come as an absolutely mindboggling piece!
Cheers!
Jesus Loves You!