Ghazal: Devyani
Na Majnu, Na Deewani, Na Sarfiri par tumhare
jazbe se mohabbat kar gayi, nahi hindostaan jaise
jazbe se mohabbat kar gayi, nahi hindostaan jaise
Us noon chai mein alag hi raahat hai, tumhe paani ki
chaahat mein main jad gayi, nahi hindostaan jaise
Tumhari shiddat mein logo me, azaan ramzaan rozo me,
mehsus ghar ko main kar gayi, nahi hindostaan jaise
Kaash meer bhi samajhte ye, Kashmir toh dekhte
Khuda na sun paaya unki dukhtar ki dua,
isliye ab toh main unse bhi sad gayi, nahi hindostaan jaise
WORD MEANINGS-
Karfoo = Curfew
Czot = A traditional bread in Kashmir.
Bund = It is an edge of the Jhelum river in Srinagar, Kashmir.
Nun Chai = A traditional Kashmiri tea.
Azaan = An Islamic call to worship.
Dukhtar = Daughter in the Urdu language.
Meer = Politician or leader of an organisation in the Hindi language.
It's good read and the theme of resistance is there. Some of the local imageries have been used well. But I don't think so the Ghazal form has been followed properly. The first couplet, Matla, has to follow Radif and Kafiya in both lines. You should look on the ghazals by other writers like Shahryar, Nida Fazli and more are there or may be sir can suggest us. This ghazal can come out really wonderful.
ReplyDeleteHey! Thanks a lot for the suggestions. I'll look at the other writers you suggested.
DeleteHello Devyani!
ReplyDeleteआप कुछ बहुत ही शानदार कर रही हैं! क्या ख़तरनाक रदीफ़ है!
But yes, please do as suggested by Ganesh, and he's write when he said that this could turn out to be a fantastic Ghazal!
Keep it up!
Cheers!
Jesus Loves You!
Hello Devyani!
ReplyDeleteआप को पढ़् के एक ग़ज़ल याद आ गई--
अपने होने का हम इस तरह पता देते थे
ख़ाक मुट्ठी में उठाते थे उड़ा देते थे
बे-समर जान के हम काट चुके हैं जो शजर
याद आते हैं कि बेचारे हवा देते थे
उस की महफ़िल में वही सच था वो जो कुछ भी कहे
हम भी गूंगों की तरह हाथ उठा देते थे
अब मेरे हाल पे शर्मिंदा हुए हैं वो बुज़ुर्ग
जो मुझे फूलने-फलने की दुआ देते थे
अब से पहले के जो क़ातिल थे बहुत अच्छे थे
क़त्ल से पहले वो पानी तो पिला देते थे
घर की तामीर में हम बरसों रहे हैं पागल
रोज़ दीवार उठाते थे गिरा देते थे
हम भी अब झूठ की पेशानी को बोसा देंगे
तुम भी सच बोलने वालों को सज़ा देते थे
~~डा। राहत इंदौरी
Word meanings--
समर= fruit, produce, profit, result; बे-समर= Fruitless
शजर= tree/trees
चारा= remedy/ option/ way; बे-चारा= poor, helpless; बेचारा= helpless
हाल= state, condition, the present time, spiritual ecstasy
बुज़ुर्ग= a holy man, revered, venerable, aged (plural usages as well)
दुआ= benediction, blessing, prayer
क़ातिल= murderer, assassin, killer, sweetheart
क़त्ल= slaughter, killing, murder, bloodshed
तामीर= build/building/construct/construction
पेशानी= forehead
बोसा= kiss
Poet's recitation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aocSdmnhKdY&feature=youtu.वb
Cheers!
Jesus Loves You!
Hey! Thanks for this Ghazal. This is really nice.
Delete