Response poem no.1 Rohini Sharma

This is a translation of Agha Shahid Ali's poem 'No' on page no.151

      'नही'

खाली धारा में नहीं,
मैं रेतिले आसमान में मछली पकड़ने गया।
बारिश के हुक के साथ पहुंचा सुरज के किनारे पर,
वहां मैनें इन्द्रधनुष को पकड़ा,
पर इसके रंग मेरे हाथो से फिसलते हुए गए।

मैनें आहिस्ता- आहिस्ता से अलग किए,
जैसे मछलियों से कांटे
लाल से नीला,
पीले से हरा,

मेरी तीव्र धार, सटीक चांदी जैसी
माहिरता से खुदी हुई पतले रंग जैसी।

अगर, इन्द्रधनुष के छोर के खत्म होने पर
कुछ न बच पाया तो,
हालांकि मैनें धरती को इससे धो दिया।

सोने के कड़वाहट जैसे स्वाद है इसका।।



Comments

  1. Soumya DuggalApril 19, 2019 at 12:21 AM

    Hi Rohini! Reading your translation was a lot of fun. It's a delightful first attempt. Some changes could be made to recover lost meanings and to keep intact images of the original text. For instance, the last stanza of the translation reads "yadi indradhanush ke khatm hone par kuchh na bach paya toh" which isn't the same as "But the rainbow's end..." in Shahid's poem. The 'end' of the rainbow does not refer to a future time when it would cease to exist (I think that's how you're seeing it since "yadi" and "kuch nahi bachh paaya" are not there in the original) but it simply means its furthest part which the poet says is sullied with soil as it touches the earth. The Hindi word 'chhor' might have been a better choice. Nevertheless, great first attempt!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownApril 19, 2019 at 7:28 AM

    Yeah, Thank you so much Soumya! I have made changes by changing the word. As you suggested me the same thing sir has told me before you while I was discussing my poem with him. Infact, I was little confuse to after reading my own translation.

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownApril 19, 2019 at 7:33 AM

    Thank you once again! :-)

    ReplyDelete

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