love poem- Dhiman Das
If love is actually an attraction
Then why do you after falling in this attraction
Tell that you "love" me?
And how can I say, that I like something?
Is it just a game of words?
As if to pick or pluck a flower?
No, I ain't mean to do any intellectual jugglery
But I'm confused of what you actually need?
Was it the love that you wanted me
Or, your self desire for your own benefits?
So please, do not fall for my attraction
It might mislead you,
or even cheat!
Which might seem to be a paintbrush but is actually a razor.
And I don't want you to fall in that trap.
I do not want you to appreciate my attraction by
making the false belief with a "love"
Just like you wanted to kiss the fragrance of rose
But got your palms washed with blood.
Coz then love would have no space to fit in
And hence, it will get no place to survive.
For what nowadays I am finding for the "love"
Struggling, confused and scared that in the
meantime it doesn't gets lost!
But I do hope that you would come and fill the gap
between attraction and love!
And I am not put again in the dilemma
Where in the name of attraction
You misplace your heart
With a wealthy noble.
Then why do you after falling in this attraction
Tell that you "love" me?
And how can I say, that I like something?
Is it just a game of words?
As if to pick or pluck a flower?
No, I ain't mean to do any intellectual jugglery
But I'm confused of what you actually need?
Was it the love that you wanted me
Or, your self desire for your own benefits?
So please, do not fall for my attraction
It might mislead you,
or even cheat!
Which might seem to be a paintbrush but is actually a razor.
And I don't want you to fall in that trap.
I do not want you to appreciate my attraction by
making the false belief with a "love"
Just like you wanted to kiss the fragrance of rose
But got your palms washed with blood.
Coz then love would have no space to fit in
And hence, it will get no place to survive.
For what nowadays I am finding for the "love"
Struggling, confused and scared that in the
meantime it doesn't gets lost!
But I do hope that you would come and fill the gap
between attraction and love!
And I am not put again in the dilemma
Where in the name of attraction
You misplace your heart
With a wealthy noble.
Hi Dhiman.
ReplyDeleteYour poem seems very understandable where what I take from it is that you're questioning 'love' in its sense vs 'attraction'. We are oftentimes confused in this setup and with the current socio-cultural scenario, we don't know what we truly want. We get impatient.
"Just like you wanted to kiss the fragrance of rose
But got your palms washed with blood." - these lines of yours struck me as they pose an easy metaphor which all of us can relate to. We want to experience beauty but we get so indulged in it that we forget how the repercussions pan out, where we don't understand ourselves and our love. We don't realise what we truly want, neither are we clear about it.
I would like to suggest to you-
Your line breaks make the poem a little confusing- maybe you could work on them a little. Overall, it's a great attempt!
Hey, thanks for the feedback! I shall consider your suggestion and look onto it.
DeleteI liked the metaphor of paint brush and razor. Yet try breaking down the idea of love like you promised the reader at the start.
ReplyDeleteHi Devyani! First of all thankyou for the feedback. And yes, using the metaphors of razor is like using a soft brush to paint something beautiful but unaware of the bitter side of it. I have twisted the idea of love and mixed all sorts of complications to get out of it. Because... " it's complicated".
DeleteHi Dhiman
ReplyDeleteI see you've added to the poem since you first uploaded it. This makes the meaning of the poem come across much better, and more metaphors make the language of the poem more ornate.
I agree with Bhargavi's suggestion, a few small changes in the line breaks could make a great impact.
Ps. The first thing that came to my mind when I read this poem was Dylan Garity's poem called "Friendzone". It's a really interesting piece that you can easily find on YouTube. You should check it out!
Hello kanika. First and foremost thanks for your feedback. The first time i wrote the poem was a bit more deep one. If you would have read that then it might be difficult for others as well. But after the first one and sir said so made this changes. Not many, but slight changes. And the line breaks you mean stanzas...this were also changed latter. Further if need to be broken into lines... It won't sound any rhythmic i guess..but still will consider your suggestion as well. That " friendzone" was a part of my poem in the first version.
Delete