Love Poem: Sukh Mehak Kaur
Did you?
Did you fall in love?
Did you fall for love?
Did you fall for him?
You were falling,
I was watching.
You never landed,
it ended.
Did he leave?
Did love leave?
Did you leave?
He was typing,
I was watching.
He mailed it,
it ended.
Did his heart break?
Did his love break?
Did you break?
Did you break beyond repair?
Are you moving?
Move on my child!
Leave him behind!
Leave love behind!
Leave You behind!
...
Love is divine...
But you were never the worshipping kind.
lick your wounds and move ahead.
it's not the end,
not yet.
He wasn't your type
as they say.
He wasn't Mr.Right
as they say.
His love was divine!
And you were never the worshipping kind.
...
You're still hurting
I'm still watching
You never healed,
It extended.
एक ग़ज़ल याद आ गई--
ReplyDeleteइश्क़ में मजनूँ-ओ-फ़रहाद नहीं होने के
ये नए लोग हैं बर्बाद नहीं होने के
ये जो दावे हैं मुहब्बत के अभी हैं जाना
और दो-चार बरस बाद नहीं होने के
क्या कहा तोड़ के लाओगे फ़लक से तारे
देखो इन बातों से हम शाद नहीं होने के
नक़्श हैं दिल पे मेरे अब भी तुम्हारे वादे
खौर छोड़ो वो तुम्हें याद नहीं होने के
घर लिये फिरती हूं हर वक़्त तुम्हारे पीछे
तुम अगर वो हो कि आबाद नहीं होने के
हम ने ख़ुद पहनी है 'नुसरत' ये वफ़ा की ज़ंजीर
हम तो ख़ुद ही कभी आज़ाद नहीं होने के
~~नुसरत मेहदी 'नुसरत'
Word meanings--
मजनूँ= madly or desperately in love, a very thin or weak person, epithet of the celebrated lover of Laila; फ़रहाद= Shirin's lover, Hero of the book 'Shirin-Farhad'
दावा= assertion, claim, contention
और= another, more, other, and
बरस= fall, precipitate, year
फ़लक= sky
बात= Affair, Gossip, Matter, News, thing (this thing isn't right ये बात ठीक नहीं है)
शाद= happy, glad, cheerful
नक़्श= impression, mark, print, an engraveing, a charm
खौर= ok, well,
Recitation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5EfO9uVB7s
Thanks for the ghazal.
DeleteIt has been written wonderfully and with using less words..
ReplyDeleteThanks.
DeleteThis line: lick your wounds and move ahead indicates is such an intense feeling and I found it the most catchy line in the poem. Beautifully written in simple words.
ReplyDeleteYou were falling, I was watching. You never landed, it ended: Another eye catchy line, not complicated therefore easy to understand.
Love is divine...But you were never the worshipping kind: Beautifully expressed what a heartbreak lover goes through.
Well written :)
Thanks.
DeleteReal, meaningful and beautifully written.
ReplyDeleteHi Sukh Mehak!
ReplyDelete"Love is divine.
But you were never the worshipping kind."
This is probably my favourite line in the entire poem. I really like the way you've played with words, changing only one word in between repetitive lines, enhancing their impact.
I'd like to leave you with a small question. Your verses are comprised of small phrases, making the poem a rather fast paced read. However, I find the extra space between the verses (In between "Leave you behind" and Love is divine", for example) creates a break in the poem. Is the pause between verses something you intended to leave the reader with? I'd love to know how you planned it out!
"Did you fall in love?
ReplyDeleteDid you fall for love?
Did you fall for him?" These lines are simple, but very impactful. I liked how the language we commonly use around love, is sort of investigated in your poem. I also got to explore how the meaning of the line changes when we change a single word. I loved such lines in the poem where you are trying to question the complexities of love and departure. And you do this in such a simple manner. The underlining helped with emphasizing certain words, but I am wondering whether you need to do that in your poem? The sentences are quite short and as a result there is already stress on certain words.
These lines struck me...
ReplyDeleteYou were falling,
I was watching.
You never landed,
it ended.
The third person reference is something which I often attribute myself to when I am going through turbulent times. That is when I want to reflect myself and provide a visualisation to the hurt, pain or gloom- only to create tangibility to the abstraction.
I found these lines very impactful, as we often 'fall' in pit, 'fall' down and hurt ourselves, and ironically- 'fall' in love.
A suggestion to you would be-
Using punctuation marks stop a reader at the end of the statement, and looking at how your lines are very free flowing and short, the use of punctuation makes the lines break a little longer than they should.
The repetition of 'as they say' was impactful, however I felt that if you could play a little more with words, twist them like your love, it would make it more fun.
Overall, it was simple, relatable and self-explanatory. Liked it a lot!