villanelle- hoshi
There once was a lord of the forest,
It dwelled in the great hills and nourished the land
But People prayed because this lord was the last.
They sang songs to lament the forest,
They passed stories to remember that in this land;
There once was a lord of the forest.
The lord knew it would soon cease to exist
so it shed its skin, crawled into its shell to prepare
But People prayed because this lord was the last.
So in deep slumber fell the lord of the forest,
It grew weary, because the songs said it was the end;
'There once was a lord of the forest'.
The land flourished just as it had in the past
The lord forgot to hear, so did mankind,
But people prayed because this lord was the last.
Now the gods laugh, at this people and this forest
They laugh because this message is still carried in the wind;
‘There once was a lord of the forest,
But People prayed because this lord was the last’.
Hello Hoshi!
ReplyDeleteThis is indeed a powerful piece: forklore,, history and myth are brilliantly fabricated in the poem. The idea of wiping out cultural and historical heritage by the onslaught of modernity is captured in the poem. You're also shoing the utility of poetry, as though what's been talked about in the poem is gone, yet it's the poetry which attempts to somehow preserve at least the residue of something couldn't hold to. The caal for the conservation of our environment and the necessity of tuning our lifestyle according to nature is also put forth.
You need to improve technically: syllabic and line regularity, and most importantly, if you're using 'and' or 'end' as rhyme, you can't change it with 'd' sound, you may do it once, but repeating it is not good.
Cheers!
Jesus Loves You!
Hi hoshi! It was a good one. But I found the 1st tercet rhyming to be not matching. But later on the villenele has been well built. It's good how you are connecting the nature with your vision. But I still cannot find what reference are you bringing when you are saying 'last lord'. This ' last' word is making me a bit confuse. Anyways it was good reading your poem.
ReplyDeleteHi Hoshi,
ReplyDeleteReally liked your villanelle! It sounds like a folk story with multiple layers coming together. The way you have used single quotes so effectively is also great.